Judas's Kiss

While working I listened intently to a sermon, sent by a dear friend.

I told her that lately something within me had been missing. 

Instead of prayers, I'm out here wishing

Sadly on a whim.

I have notebooks filled with pages upon pages of manifestations of goals and dreams. 

Written in my own hand, filling up the lines with trivial phrases now belonging to said books that look ready to burst out of their seams. 

The sermon plays on and like a song that tugs on the delicate strings of your heart a message for me rang true. 

It moves me to write, It moves me to share.

Yes, I do have debris on my heart from connections and moments with others where I deeply cared

Yes, it was my and still my responsibility to walk away from what the table servers

With bitterness I resented Judas's kiss when I should have accepted, lead with love, practice forgiveness but swerve.

Swerve hard to the right, avoid the crash and get out of sight. 

Not allow doubt and the darkness to set me aflame to gaze upon my light. 

This sermon, my friend, both instrumental beacons of wisdom and clarity.

Reminded me that I bring upon my own droughts and scarcity.

So I'll celebrate the no's.

I'll celebrate the doors closed.

For that is when you truly know your purpose and divinity.

I'll remember when I'm feeling stuck.

I must at all costs lift myself up.

I won't ask why 

I put my faith and trust that something better will be brought to life.